Connie's Wild Ride, Part 4

"Connie's Wild Ride" pt 4

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A Little Help

Elements of Navy and Marine Corps nuclear incident response teams and unexploded ordinance personnel had cordoned off a zone around the impact site with a half-mile radius. Dozens of military vehicles from tiny to huge rumbled around the area. Hundreds of men and women, some in bulky bomb suits swarmed the area with metal detectors, radiation sensors, cameras, sample collection kits, and automatic weapons. The perimeter was dotted with high-intensity light standards, giving the place an eerie orange glow as the sun set.

Olga stopped her descent, and Connie her diatribe, a few hundred feet above the ground. Connie spotted a group of large drab green vehicles gathered just outside the perimeter.

"Mobile Command Center," she told Olga in a very hoarse voice. "Take us down there."

"What?" Olga said loudly, opening her mouth wide trying to stop the ringing in her ears.

"Down there," Connie croaked and tried to clear her throat. She tried to point but couldn't seem to let go of Olga's shoulder and hand. She nodded her head.

Olga looked and saw a bunch of uniformed people milling around and headed in that direction. Then she saw Maia among them.

"Maia!" Olga called out as they landed.

"Olga!" Maia said as she came running. After several tries to reach Olga she couldn't get past Connie's larger frame. "Oh for crying out loud, Olga, put down that over-grown Pippi Longstocking!"

"Maia!" Olga admonished.

"It's ok, Olga," Connie said, "You better put me down. I don't think your mother approves of me."

"Ha... ha," Maia said sarcastically.

Olga let go of Connie's legs and Connie tried to stand up but stopped and frowned. She couldn't seem to let go of Olga's shoulder and hand.

"Oh, look, Olga," Maia said, "Mega Magillicuddy here wants to hang around with us. Maybe she's hoping for an invite to a menage a trois."

"Ugh!" Connie said suddenly finding the will to let go of Olga. "In your dreams." she said as she walked away without a glance back.

Maia rushed into Olga's arms. "I'm so happy to see you, my love." she said between kisses.

"Me too, my Возлюбленная," Olga said eagerly returning the kisses.

"I thought that psycho Cyclops would never leave," Maia said.

"Maia," Olga said, "Connie had such a bad day and you acted so... so... jealous. Maia, you are jealous of Connie?"

"Jealous?" Maia said, "Me? Of that... that..."

"Please, Maia," Olga said smiling, "You must know that there is only one Magillagoody for me. By the way, what is 'Magillagoody'?"

Maia laughed. "Ok, darling. Let's make a deal. I won't bring her up if you won't. We'll speak no more of the Crimson Cuckoobird."

"That is 'Crimson Conservative.'" Olga said as they linked arms and walked toward Maia's car.

"Whatever," Maia sighed laying her head on Olga's shoulder.

　

"Here you go, Connie" said the general as he handed her a blanket. "I saw you walking up with the Soviet Superwoman. Isn't she coming? I wanted to thank her too."

"I think she has an oyster to shuck."

"I beg your pardon?" the general asked.

"Nothin'." she replied as she took the blanket. Though she was neither cold, nor worried about showing her body, she wrapped the blanket around herself and stared out over the impact site.

"At any rate," the general continued, "top notch performance up there, Connie. ‘Uncommon valor,' as they say. With your permission, I'll ask the President to consider you for the Medal of Freedom. With Distinction, of course."

"Denied," Connie said, "I don't deserve it."

"Now, Connie," the General said, "Modesty is a very fine..."

"Someone told me the pilots of those jets are ok," she interrupted.

"Why, yes, both were able to eject before their planes were destroyed," replied the general.

"Glad to hear it. Damn glad."

"You understand that I had to order them to stop that jet. At any cost."

"Sure, I'd a done the same. What about the men at Lonely Point?"

"Nine dead. Three of 'em women. Mostly mechanics and supply personnel. Almost everyone else caught a round or two. They probably hadn't picked up a weapon since basic. But they put up a hell of fight." The general sounded bitter and proud at the same time.

A heavily bandaged man in a rumpled suit stepped out of one the command vehicles and using a crutch, joined Connie and the general.

"Ah, Major Hafiz," said the general. "Glad you could join us. I believe you two have already met."

"My guardian angel from this morning, Ms. Conservative," the Major said as he held out his hand, "but not formally."

Connie regarded him coolly and ignored his hand. "Three of ‘em women," she thought. You people slaughter American women on American soil, then expect me to shake your hand?

"You haven't heard anything about a li'l green gal called 'Razzie' have you?" Connie asked the general.

"'A little green... gal?" the general thought he misheard. "I don't understand. Are you all right?"

"They successfully dropped a nuclear bomb on Angel Falls on my watch," she said somberly.

"But it didn't explode, Connie. No casualties, from the bomb I mean."

"We got lucky!" she growled and looked pointedly at Major Hafiz.

"I'll take it!" the general said, "Hell, Connie, I'll take that kind of luck all day long. We do all we can but when we need a little help, by God, I'll take all I can get."

One of the figures in the middle of the impact zone removed a large helmet and shrugged out of his bomb diffusing outfit. He hopped on an olive drab ATV and made his way toward the group at the perimeter of the debris field. He reached them, hopped off the bike and saluted the general.

"General," he said, then "sir," to Major Hafiz, and "Hi, Connie, great work up there!" he said with a blush.

"Oorah," Connie said quietly with a little smile, not feeling like it at all.

"Uh, Captain," the general said with a little smile of his own. "Your report?"

"Oh, of course, General," the captain said, flustered. "Um..." he hesitated and glanced at the major and Connie.

"Go ahead, Captain," said the general. "After all these folks have done today, they deserve to hear what's going on."

"Yes, sir. We found the nuclear material container intact. There has been no radioactive leakage. All the components have been retrieved and segregated and are secured for transport. The bomb was armed and fully operational. We checked the detonation device and it worked perfectly. All the settings were correct. Sir, I don't understand it, but there is no way on Earth for that bomb not to have detonated."

"Well," the general said, "I guess we'll just have to thank God and count our blessings."

"Yes," said Major Hafiz, "Allah has been most merciful today. "No reproach on you this day, God will forgive you, He is the Most Merciful of the Merciful" (Quran 12:92)"

The general took a quick glance at Connie but she did not react, at least not outwardly.

"Like I said before, luck or divine intervention, I'll take it. Come on, Captain, we'll send the details to Washington. You coming Major?" he said as they headed for one of the command vehicles.

"In a moment, General." Major Hafiz said. He then turned to Connie. "I wanted to thank you for saving my life and for your gallant efforts to finish my mission."

"I didn't care about your mission," Connie said. "I was on my own mission. Which is protecting my country from the likes of..." she paused.

"Me?" asked the major, smiling. "You can say it, I won't be insulted. But for your own peace of mind, I want you to know that for every Umarov, he was the pilot in the jet, there are tens or even hundreds more like me."

"That hasn't been my experience."

"Soldiers are like policemen, no? They only see people at their worst."

"Or maybe you, as a soldier for Islam, are giving your people more credit than they deserve."

"I assure you good Muslims greatly outnumber the bad."

"Then they should do a better job of letting themselves be known."

"Perhaps," the major conceded. "I was not always a soldier. Now I fight to defend my faith from those who would twist it into something evil. But before that, I was, and still am, an Imam Khatib."

"That's like a preacher," Connie said.

"Ah, so you are familiar with my language?" the major asked.

"'Know thine enemy.'" Connie quoted. "Just like Thomas Jefferson and the Barbary pirates."

"Ah," smiled the major, "Well, I hope today's events have demonstrated that at least I am not your enemy. In fact, part of my duties as an Imam include helping those who appear to be spiritually troubled."

"And I take it," Connie said, "that means me."

"You had a very wild ride today."

"Crap like that comes with the territory," Connie shrugged, "Ain't nuthin' to get my spirit shook up."

"I wasn't referring to the jet," the major said.

"It wasn't exactly a camel," Connie said.

"No, I suppose not." The major smiled, then grew serious. "Often, when one with a rigid outlook on life is faced with events which challenge the beliefs upon which that outlook is based, one's identity may be shaken to its core. A sudden, forced paradigm shift can be as traumatic to one's psyche as the jolting, punishing ride you took today was to your physique." Even as he said it, the major noticed that aside from being soot smudged, Connie's body was free of even the slightest wound. The one blue eye that studied him coldly was clear and intimidating and bore no trace of her recent adventure.

"Ain't findin' any trauma, are ya," Connie said. "You can stop gawkin' now… not that I blame ya."

"A poor choice of analog on my part given your extraordinary... make-up." the major conceded, "But you can't tell me you didn't experience some emotional difficulties today that you don't normally encounter on your usual seek and destroy missions."

"Such as?" Connie asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer,

"Such as finding out that not everyone fits into the safe, black and white, stereotypical pigeon holes to which you have assigned them. Such as being a confirmed loner and discovering the blessings of friends and allies, opening up to them, then to discover the pain of losing them. Such as one so gifted with power and ability, having known only victory, suddenly faced with a situation of dire consequence and finding it out of her control." The major stopped and waited for a response.

Connie remained stone-faced. She had dismissed the first allegation. The reference to Razzie stung and she considered it a low blow. The third struck home in her current frame of mind. But she wasn't going to concede to anything. Not with him.

"I wonder what is so interesting about my brain that makes so many people want to crawl in and snoop around. You don't happen to play bridge, do ya?"

"No," the major smiled, realizing his offer had been refused.

"Too bad," Connie said with mock sincerity.

"Well, Ms. Conservative, my normal parting salutation is, 'May peace be with you.' But that is not your life's path is it? Nor mine either, I'm afraid. So I'll just pray that as you go forth and battle evil—in whatever guise—may you always be triumphant and may Allah go before you as the Great Shield and Protector of the Righteous Warrior."

"Right back at ya," said Connie coolly, picturing herself backhanding the man in the jaw.

The major smiled, touched his right hand to his heart, his forehead, and limped away.

Though she was neither cold nor modest, Connie pulled the blanket closer about herself and absently watched the military scurry around the rubble strewn parking lot.

"Hey, Valiant!" Connie turned to see M'Zon, Paudraic, and T'Lur getting out of a red crew cab pickup with a Paudraic's Getaway logo painted on the side. A drab olive-green truck with a large red cross painted on the side pulled up behind them. Connie jogged over to them, giant bare feet slapping the ground, anxious to ask but just as afraid to ask.

"Hi, Connie," Paudraic said, "we came to give--"

"Where's Razzie? Did you find her? What happened to her?" Connie asked, braced for bad news.

"Who?" Paudraic said.

Connie suppressed a strong urge to smack him one.

"Ryoz," T'Lur said, emphasizing the name and frowning at Paudraic, "is in that ambulance."

As Connie looked up, the doors of the ambulance opened. A Navy corpsman and a nurse hopped out of the truck and turned to gingerly help a heavily bandaged figure. Even the bandages couldn't hide the opulent curves of the woman and the daffy expression on the exposed green face sealed the deal.

"Razzie!" shouted Connie. She threw her blanket over Paudraic and bounded to the ambulance.

"Get me out of here!" yelled Paudraic. "It smells like burnt toast and cosmoline!" His flailing made it doubly difficult for T'Lur and M'Zon to try to remove the blanket.

Upon reaching Ryoz, Connie snatched her up to her eye level at arm's length. "Razzie! Ya don't know how happy--"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" said Ryoz.

"Watch it, Connie!" said the corpsman reaching up for Ryoz. "You'll bust her stitches!"

Connie put her down quickly but gently. "Sorry, kiddo! It's just that I'm so happy to see you!"

"Aw, that's alright, Connie," Ryoz said, "I'm real happy to see you, too."

"Did I hurt ya?" Connie asked with a wince.

"Just for a second, but I don't feel anything now."

"Probably true," offered the corpsman. "She's full of dilaudid. I told her she should be in bed, but she insisted on coming down to see if you were ok."

"Gee, Connie," Ryoz said, "Not a scratch on you. Except your eye, it's all red and watery."

"That's just windburn ‘n getting smoke in it is all," said Connie, which may have been the truth. "Damn, Razzie, I thought you was a gonner for sure. The way that thing-a-ma-jig was tumblin'."

"Not me, I never met a spin I couldn't fly my way out of, even missing an engine." Ryoz said. "Well, that was a dumb thing to say since it's obvious because I wouldn't be standing here if I had. And I am standing here so... where was I? That must have sounded pretty silly."

"Maybe we should be getting back to the hospital. She's beginning to sound altered," the corpsman said, looking worried.

"She always sounds like that," Connie laughed, "And you're not silly, not silly at all." She desperately wanted to pat Ryoz on the shoulder, chuck her under the chin, or tousle her hair, but there were bandages everywhere. Everywhere. The rotten, no good, ratf*****s! "But, yeah, you better head on back and get some rest, Razzie."

"Yeah, I do feel a little tired. Glad you're ok, Connie!" The corpsman, nurse, and Ryoz turned to leave.

"Corpsman, a word," the Amazon said, watching the nurse help Ryoz slowly get into the ambulance.

"Sure, Connie, what's up?"

"There's no way to know if we got all the jihadis mixed up in this. And if there's any of them around and they get word that she was involved in foiling their plot, they might try to go after her for revenge. I want a twenty-four hour, armed bodyguard for her." Connie said.

"Bodyguard, eh?" the corpsman said salaciously. "Wouldn't mind that detail myself."

"Come again?" Connie said.

"She's one of Paudraic's infamous space babes. A genuine Orion sex—oof!" The corpsman's left pectoral muscle was impaled by a very large, very rigid, soot smudged index finger.

"You can belay that shit about ‘one of Paudraic's women' right now, mister."

"But Connie, she's a--"

"She," Connie emphasized the word with a jab, "as far as you and the rest of the horndogs are concerned, might just as well be kin to me. Not by blood, of course--I mean, look at the two of us. Anyway, that li'l gal in there is about as naïve as they come. She'd be easy pickin's for a smooth talkin' uniform. So I'm holding you all responsible to see that when this is over, her recovery is complete, her safety has been seen to, and her virtue is intact."

"Virtue?" the corpsman was incredulous.

"Vir-tue!" Connie growled adding a poke per syllable. "If anything happens to that li'l gal, not the army, navy, air force, and Marines combined could keep me from takin' it outta your asses! Do you read me?"

"Well, hell, Connie," the corpsman said squirming, "I guess..."

"Do... you... read... me?" Connie repeated emphasizing each word with a poke.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Now git and spread the word"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Connie watched the ambulance drive away.

"Here's your blanket, Valiant," M'Zon said. "I have some of our people watching Ryoz too."

"Good," said Connie, feeling better. And though she was not cold nor worried about people seeing her body she wrapped the blanket tightly around herself.

"Come on, Connie, we'll take you back to the Getaway." Paudraic called.

"I'd rather walk," said Connie as she stepped into the bed of the truck.

"I know you haven't eaten all day so we have a big dinner ready for you." said Paudraic.

"I'm not hungry," Connie grumbled but her stomach grumbled more loudly.

She sat with her back against the cab and looked at the people working in the impact zone and thought again of Ryoz and the events of the day. Not cold or embarrassed, she pulled the blanket closer.

Paudraic appeared at her shoulder. "I almost forgot, I brought something for you."

"Oh, dear God," Connie said wondering if this day would ever end.

He handed her a beat up canvas back pack. She opened it and found a couple of bottles of Jack Daniels, some packs of Lucky Strike cigarettes and a ridiculously large cigarette lighter painted in camouflage with the words 'I *heart* Paudraic's Getaway' on it.

"It's for the ride home," he said and headed for the cab.

Connie listened as he opened the truck door.

"Ok, M'Zon, let's go." said Paudraic.

The truck lurched forward.

"Wait till I get in, dammit!"

"You said 'let's go'" M'Zon said.

"Ok, I'm in now."

"So?"

"So let's go!"

"Make up your mind, p'taQ!

"Yeah, petak, petak, just take us home."

The truck lurched forward again. They bounced and jolted over the cracks and chunks of asphalt littering the debris strewn parking lot until they found the driveway and made their way onto the main street where the ride smoothed out.

Connie heaved a big sigh and said aloud to a person or persons known only to herself. "Thank you."

End

This takes place in the setting.

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Soviet Superwoman is property of

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